Dailies from the Bay

2012-01-29T14:11:00.001-10:00

'Tail tassel's make a great fashion statement when one is trying to attract a mate! Then again, if that doesn't work, there's always the threat of the orange scalpels to get ones (potentially)divided attention!

2012-01-21T10:29:00.001-10:00

When I volunteered for the Witness Protection Program, I didn't expect to be give fins and gills and be relocated to a Marine Preserve!
Ha! My former associates will never find me here!

2012-01-14T14:43:00.002-10:00

Hmm! Neon accents and an orange racing stripe! I am like soo hot!

2012-01-07T11:07:00.001-10:00

What! This IS my good side!

2012-01-01T11:14:00.001-10:00

Happy New Year!
Wishing you a happy and prosperous 2012!!

2011-12-24T10:46:00.002-10:00

"Mele Kalikimaka" from the Christmas Wrasse!

2011-12-18T10:03:00.002-10:00

A BUFFET CONUNDRUM
I dono! The sign out front said "all you can eat" but the selection seems really limited! How bout a MacDonalds Quarter Pounder with cheese instead?

2011-12-10T10:48:00.002-10:00

Observing the light hue of his siblings, it quickly dawned on Timonium the Tang that the 1 gallon container of SPF 1 suntan lotion he bought at a deep discount online was not such a good deal after all!

2011-12-03T12:59:00.001-10:00

This early prototype of the Cessna 150 was doomed to failure for its lack of carrying capacity, landing gear, and range. Its aquatic capability, however, enabled it to successfully morph into what we now affectionately refer to as the "Flying Gurnard."

They can be seen flying the world's oceans under various airline colors.

2011-11-26T15:22:00.002-10:00

The fish world equivalent of the 'office water cooler' appears to be the odd bit of pink colored coral! Go figure!

2011-11-20T21:39:00.004-10:00

Why yes! My suit IS made outta sharkskin! What gave it away?

2011-11-12T11:55:00.002-10:00

During the recent world series, Utrech the Umpire is shown here calling the base runner 'safe' at first!

2011-11-05T11:18:00.001-10:00

Congress' "supercommittee" on deficit reduction moves into its serious negotiation stage this week with members still far from reaching the goal of reducing the deficit by $1.5 trillon. Note, in this exclusive photo, that they cannot even agree on who sits where! Sigh!

2011-10-29T15:20:00.002-10:00

A master predator, Ira the turtle prepares to swoop down on a herd of unsuspecting algae

2011-10-22T09:47:00.001-10:00

Sigh! This having to breathe at the surface every few minutes is one big pain in the 'patootie!' What I need is a snorkel! Yeah, that's the ticket! A turtle snorkel!

2011-10-15T10:14:00.002-10:00

Iridescent blue accents highlighted by a large snout, a broom-like tail section and copious amounts of eye shadow mark Irma as the defacto standard to beat in the Bay's forthcomming annual fashion show and chitlin strut!

You rock girl!

2011-10-08T09:34:00.002-10:00

Little heavy on the rouge there, Grandma!

2011-10-01T10:11:00.003-10:00

According to Cory of 'seaslugsofhawaii.com,' this inch long critter is a Plakobranchus ocellatus! I'm just gonna call him 'Plak!'

2011-09-24T10:27:00.001-10:00

Trying to make a rectangle out of two 'right' triangles proved to much for the Coronet brothers! Geez, mused, Harvey, the younger brother, trigonometry was never my 'strong suit'!

2011-09-17T09:25:00.002-10:00

Endemic to Hawaii, the Hawaiian Cleaner Wrasse sets up a 'cleaning station' to rid customers of parasites and dead skin. He also provides a nice tactile accompaniment to further enhance the overall experience!

Hmm, think I need a massage!

2011-09-10T11:19:00.002-10:00

Blind from birth, Mike the Moi employed the Trevally brothers to act as guide fish! They, combined with Mike's acute sense of feel, proved invaluable for getting him to the feeding grounds!

2011-09-03T09:45:00.002-10:00

Mel, the Moorish Idol, is planning on celebrating the forthcoming Memorial Day at the gala, all you can eat, Hanauma Bay barbecued algae fest!

2011-08-27T12:14:00.002-10:00

Ever mindluf of the 'rules of the road', David signals for a left turn at the intersection of Coral Way and Seabreeze Drive!

2011-08-20T15:29:00.002-10:00

So, then they told me that I had just won the Publishers Clearing House Sweepsstakes! Yup! 10 Million Clams! All I had to do to claim my winnings was sign a release! Stupid Sweepstakes!

2011-08-13T09:42:00.001-10:00

My internist recently recommended an Abdominal CT scan. He then remarked that it was the equivilant of 100 X-Rays and that there was some concern about what all this radiation could do to someone over time. Then he noted my Medicare status and remarked: "At your age it shouldn't be a problem!"

Sigh! Think I need a new internist!

2011-08-06T11:15:00.002-10:00

No! No! No!

Geez!

Your exposure control is this button HERE! THAT's your zoom control!

2011-07-30T09:19:00.002-10:00

Congress, attempting to reconcile and pass debt ceiling legislation, had difficulty with the word 'compromise' this week! Here, they are shown pulling in various directions. Let's hope that cooler heads prevail before the 2 August deadline! Sigh!

2011-07-23T10:14:00.002-10:00

Entitlements? Medicare? Social Security? Hey, no worries mate! With our life span who cares? We don't even have an AARF "geezer" organization to join! We don't live long enough! All that aside, where would I carry their card?

2011-07-16T09:30:00.001-10:00

So they elect these clowns to Congress to represent 'the people,' and all they can do is engage in 'political polarization.' One group insists that taxes be raised and the other insists that spending is decreased! And neither side is gonna budge on numbers! What ever happened to the spirit of compromise? These intransigent clowns are going to run this country into the ground! They're behaving like a bunch of petulant adolescents! Sigh!

Makes me glad to be a fish!

2011-07-09T13:03:00.002-10:00

"That's one small step for an Urchin, one giant leap for Urchinkind!"

2011-07-02T10:30:00.001-10:00

You may have heard that the Pope is now 'tweeting.' Well, I received a tweet from him just yesterday. Seems he wants to bring back fish on Fridays! He also wants me to 'friend' him on Facebook! Fat chance!

2011-06-25T10:28:00.001-10:00

What the heck is going on with this country? I tuned into CNN's Headline news for a 30 minute update(not easy with fins) and all I got was a realtime feed of the Casey Anthony trial. I then tried CNN with the same results! Geez, I figured, at least I can count on 'fair and balanced' FOX for some hard news. Nope! They were carrying the same live feed! It's a sad state of affairs when all the world's hard news has to take a back seat to a 'reality' show.

That would never happen if fish ran the networks! Of course, we would also cancel ALL the cooking shows that feature seafood!

2011-06-18T10:43:00.001-10:00

On behalf of all the critters in the Bay I wanted to take the opportunity to thank the Manager of Hanauma Bay who recently retired after 21 years of "outstanding" stewardship! He always kept us foremost in his mind and in his actions!!
Alan Hong, you DA MAN! Enjoy retirement!

2011-06-11T10:08:00.002-10:00

Representative AnthoneyWeiner 'tweeted' me last week. Said something about wanting to "ride my yellow saddle" till 'the cows come home!' I told him he better learn to hold his breath for a long, long time!

And to bring some cows!

2011-06-05T11:46:00.002-10:00

The winner of the Angelina Jolie "look-a-like" contest held recently at Hanauma Bay!

2011-05-28T21:38:00.002-10:00

For those of you who 'missed' the 'Rapture' scheduled for 21 May, not to worry! It has been rescheduled for 21 Oct. According to Pastor Camping, he had inadvertently used some 'fuzzy' math in his initial calculations. If the turnout is good for the October date, it may later be rescheduled as an annual event!

2011-05-21T12:14:00.002-10:00

Pete the Slate Pencil Urchin makes his first tentative evolutionary step from ocean dweller to air breather!

2011-05-13T09:50:00.002-10:00

As he bumped into the Coral for the umpteenth time that day, Arnie began to think that his forthcomming cataract lense replacement surgery couldn't come soon enough!

2011-04-23T11:49:00.002-10:00

Growing replacement teeth for the dental trade proved a lucrative sideline for Pete the Pencil Urchin!

2011-04-16T11:41:00.002-10:00

Why yes! We all got our clothes at Ross!

2011-04-09T10:14:00.002-10:00

The conundrum is this- If a Ringtail Surgeonfish doesn't have a Ring OR a Tail, is it still a Ringtail Surgeonfish? This Ringtail Surgeonfish may have lost it's 'tail assembly' as a youth, possibly due to predation, or may be a mutation of his species. Either way, he continues to thrive as a member of the Bay's 'handicapped' crew! An inspiration to us all!

2011-04-02T09:43:00.003-10:00

WHY SPECIES GO EXTINCT!

Soo! Do you come here often?

What's your sign?

Can I buy you a drink?

2011-03-26T10:05:00.002-10:00

A bad case of the dreaded 'pinkeye' marked Romero, the Pearl Wrasse, as a social pariah!

2011-03-20T10:24:00.002-10:00

Mildred ponders the relative thinning effect of stripes verses the sexy appeal of spots!

2011-03-12T15:55:00.002-10:00

Even Eels need "blankies."

2011-03-05T14:14:00.002-10:00

A color palette with fins!

2011-02-26T16:37:00.002-10:00

Man oh Man! What a sleepless night! And boy do my lips hurt!

All my dreams were in black and white, and subtitled!

In a foreign language! Sigh!

2011-02-19T14:53:00.002-10:00

When Lee saw his own tail under his head, he realized that it was gonna take more than isometrics to extricate himself from this embarrassing situation! Hmm, where's my cell phone, he mused. I need 911! Pronto!

2011-02-12T13:21:00.002-10:00

Melissa ponders the innocuous nature of the new white ring design 'tramp tat' she recently had embossed on her tail. Hmm, she muses, perhaps a mermaid would have garnered more attention!

2011-02-05T15:33:00.002-10:00

Chain Smoker! Hawaiian Style!

2011-01-29T15:10:00.002-10:00

Recently released from prison for good behavior, it only took a quick look over his shoulder for Arnie to realize that he was never going to fully escape his criminal past!

Aloha, Larry Winnik

2011-01-23T18:59:00.001-10:00

I've had 4 'first' dates so far this month and I can't seem to get a second date with any of these 'ladies.' Seems they all just wanna be friends. Sigh! Could my 'under fin' deodorant be letting me down?

2011-01-16T11:29:00.001-10:00

Hey! Close the door!
Geez, Can't a guy have some privacy?

2011-01-08T09:44:00.000-10:00

Marcus and Matt overcome their lack of hands during the 'Greater Hanauma Bay Invitational tug-a-war competition and Chitlin Strut,' by interlocking their orange spines and pulling for all they're worth!

2010-12-31T14:10:00.002-10:00

The Yellowstripe Goatfish family begins to make the move from 2010 to 2011!

Wishing you a happy and prosperous New Year!

2010-12-24T11:36:00.002-10:00

As we say in Hawaii-

"Mele Kalikimaka"

Or as we say on the Mainland,"Merry Christmas!"

What better fish to pass on this greeting than the Christmas Wrasse! Yup, that's the real

name of this little critter owing, in no small part, to its festive Christmas coloring!

2010-12-12T10:58:00.002-10:00

Man oh Man! I just had my first experience with 'broadcast spawning' and I suddenly have a curious craving for a cigarette!

2010-12-04T11:55:00.001-10:00

Dang WikiLeaks! Now EVERYONE knows what I really think about the president of the Hanauma Bay Homeowners Association!

2010-11-26T16:11:00.001-10:00

I got the 'pat down' treatment from the TSA last week when I returned from Maui. Don't know what all the fuss is about. I didn't feel a thing!

2010-11-18T10:05:00.002-10:00

After seeing an episode of 'Sherlock Holmes,' I bought a Meerchaum Pipe thinking it would make me look cool and distinguished. Can't keep the damn thing lit! Stupid pipe!

2010-11-07T14:41:00.002-10:00

Oscar the octopus experiences an equipment malfunction in one of his 8 appendages!

"Dang tentacle cramp! Geez that hurts! Retract damn you RETRACT!"

2010-10-31T10:08:00.002-10:00

TRICK OR TREAT! (A costume seemed redundant)

2010-10-26T16:41:00.002-10:00

Got a call from the Democratic Party yesterday. They asked what it would take to get me to vote their ticket! I told them "hands!"

2010-10-19T10:07:00.002-10:00

I received a new Schwinn bicycle for my birthday. Things were going well until my OTHER 6 legs got stuck in the rotating wheel spokes! Sigh!

2010-10-10T15:57:00.002-10:00

I had a very tough childhood. When we played Cowboys and Indians we used real bullets! Somehow, I always knew I'd end up in "stripes"!

2010-10-04T21:47:00.002-10:00

My 'bookie' called me today. I'm 2 months behind on my payments and he's giving me 24 hours to come up with 500 clams! Said if I didn't pay, I'd be "swimming with the fishes!" Stupid bookie!

2010-09-28T14:24:00.001-10:00

I bought one of those basic "no contract' cell phones and it only had one available ringtone. Bubbles! So far, I've missed 80% of my calls! Stupid phone!

2010-09-11T16:39:00.001-10:00

Every evening I get a least 2 calls from political survey outfits asking me who I support! I tell them "anyone who supports subsidized algae production!"

2010-09-04T15:39:00.001-10:00

When she hit 80, Aunt Edna started over-accessorizing with gold eye liner and blue lipstick! She also wore stripes in hopes that they made her look thinner! Sigh!

2010-08-21T12:09:00.001-10:00

Hi! I'm called a Hawaiian Sergeant. Clearly I'm a fish. In fact, I'm an endemic fish. That means that I'm only found in Hawaii (that's a State by the way). So why am I getting requests from "birthers" who are convinced that I'm foreign born and not a US citizen? Sigh! You would think that my first name(Hawaiian) and my genealogy(endemic) says it all! Go figure!

2010-08-13T11:35:00.002-10:00

My Eye Doc prescribed some new glasses but they keep falling off..no place to hook them on!
Maybe lasik surgery will be a more permanent fix. Yeah, lasik! That's the ticket!

2010-07-31T13:10:00.002-10:00

Had my annual physical last week. My Doctor said I had "swimmers ear!" Sigh! Go figure!

2010-07-23T14:53:00.001-10:00

Sigh! I finally got to 'first base' with the hot waitress that works in the Reef Bar and she dropped me cold! Said I kissed like a fish! Go figure!

2010-07-11T15:50:00.001-10:00

The Goatfish ohana (family for you mainlanders) just out for a Sunday drive (err swim).

2010-06-28T21:16:00.002-10:00

As a resident of Hanauma Bay(in long standing-err swimming) I just wanted to pass on my personal thanks to those of you who helped us fight city hall! As you may recall, the city proposed shortening the Bay hours which would have effectively precluded locals from enjoying this popular snorkeling venue. We organized a grass roots campaign to include TV interviews, articles in the local newspaper, letters to the editor and e-mails to the City bigwhigs. End result: no changes to the existing hours!
On behalf of all the fish in da Bay, we thank you for your support!

Sincerely, Phil the Parrotfish

2010-06-11T13:56:00.002-10:00

In a classic case of' "If you're given lemons make lemonade," BP announced today that they are making a limited edition computer screensaver available at the following web address: http://globalwarming.house.gov/spillcam/ "It actually lubricates your computer screen from the inside, increasing your screen refresh rate and speeding up your web browsing experience," said BP CEO Tony Haward.

2010-06-06T12:59:00.002-10:00

I'm so damn mad at BP I could literally take a bite outta who ever made the bonehead decision to cap the well 'on the cheap' and ignored the damage to the blowout protector....see my tail? It was pure white BEFORE I vacationed in Pensacola! Sigh!

2010-05-29T12:05:00.002-10:00

Arnie, the ROG (Remotely Operated Goatfish) checks on the status of BP's "Top Kill" efforts! Hmm! Gonna need a lot more drilling mud! (note: this would be funny if it wasn't so sad)

2010-05-14T12:30:00.002-10:00

So I casually mentioned to my date that I was 'endemic' and, being blond, she confused that with 'pandemic' and thought that I had the H1N1 flu! That was our first and last date! Sigh!! No more blonds!

2010-05-05T15:42:00.001-10:00

So I like ordered a coloring book for my Kindle and like totally ruined the screen! Sigh!

2010-04-21T15:00:00.002-10:00

Just finished the census form.
Piece of Cake!
They even had my race listed as an option on question 9....."Native Hawaiian"!

2010-04-11T21:24:00.002-10:00

Bummed out by a recent paternity suit which concluded that he was NOT the father, Arnie muses about the loss of what he thought were his 312 offspring. "Rats, what am I gonna due with the new nursery and that custom baby stroller I ordered?"

2010-03-27T10:00:00.001-10:00

POINTS TO PONDER

If senior citizen (people) get 'walkers,' do senior citizen (fish) get 'swimmers'?

2010-03-19T22:15:00.001-10:00

If Obamacare passes, will my abdominal hernia qualify as a pre-existing condition?

2010-03-05T21:16:00.001-10:00

"So then my doctor used terms like 'overweight' and 'morbid obesity' and suggested bariatric surgery. Well, I told him that my bariatric was just fine! Thank you very much!
He didn't like my white spots either!

2010-02-17T16:15:00.002-10:00

Having heard about the recent gridlock in the Nation's Capital caused by weather, Kimo the Ornate Butterflyfish, muses, "What's a snowday? For that matter, whats snow?"

2010-02-06T15:50:00.001-10:00

"So then I suggested we start dating other people. Well, the next day she returns my 'mix tape,' takes back her lava lamp and breaks off the key I gave her to my apartment in the door lock! Sigh! Women, go figure!"

2010-01-31T13:43:00.002-10:00

As a Parrotfish, I'm known as a sequential hermaphrodite. I start life as a female (known as the initial phase) and then change to a male (the terminal phase).
So my question is this: "If I join the Navy's Submarine Service, just when does 'DON'T ASK DON'T TELL,' apply to me and how?

2010-01-25T18:09:00.001-10:00

Manny, Moe, and Curley Joe, comedy stars in the 40's, consider a run for a soon to be vacant seat in a Hawaii Congressional District! "Hey, we're no bigger clowns than what passes for incumbents in Congress," stated Moe.
Running on a modified vegan platform, they put their chances at better than 50/50 to bring some much needed common sense to Congress, transcending traditional party lines, in this inept, 'can't get anything done,' group of sorry politicians!

2010-01-17T11:45:00.001-10:00

Man oh man, I am like soo loving this sun! Warmth is such a good thing! Sigh!

2010-01-09T14:44:00.002-10:00

A paint job that could only have been designed by a 'Committee.'

2009-12-24T15:05:00.002-10:00

Haa! You think you've got a cold wave on the Mainland what with the snow and blizzards and such? Well I'm experiencing my own cold wave here in the Bay. Air temps hit the mid-60s last night and I had to put on 2 pair of UGGS boots to warm up!

2009-12-12T14:49:00.002-10:00

Couple weeks ago my buddy Rocky, the Rockmover Wrasse, mentioned that being a fish means never having to flush a toilet. Me, I like the fact that there are no issues relative to the position of a toilet seat to contend with!

2009-11-30T12:48:00.002-10:00

One of life's little pleasures if you're a fish is never having to flush after peeing! Sigh!

2009-11-15T21:10:00.002-10:00

Geez! I'm sure getting tired of a diet of 100% coral fiber. It's making my Gastroenterologist happy but my dental plan is ready to drop me!

2009-11-01T13:00:00.002-10:00

For some of the Bay critters, Halloween costumes appear to be redundant!

2009-10-24T16:54:00.002-10:00

Dang! Look at my lips swell. One of my allergies is kicking up!
Musta been some peanuts in that last fish I ate!

2009-10-12T22:14:00.002-10:00

The Bay's Prison population of Convict Tangs 'mow' the algae while on 'work release.'

2009-09-29T15:29:00.002-10:00

Hey! Whatcha looking at?
Oh MY GOD!
Is that Aunt Eleanor doing a 'pole dance' for a bunch of Convict Tangs?

2009-09-22T15:28:00.002-10:00

Teresa the Trevally's Big Date

So then I thought, how bout a rich marine blue motif for the fins and maybe a complementary rear-quarter horizontal line ending in an exploding celebration of blue color dots over an olive base! Yeah, that's the ticket!
Now where's that eye-liner sampler I picked up on-line at overstock.com?