Latest Hanauma Bay Newsletter Input

DOWN and OUT

Been down (and out) for the last couple of weeks with a bad back. Happened when I turned to put a 3 oz dish in the dishwasher. The lower back sent me a wake up call in the form of an intense shot of pain and I found myself walking at a rakish 30-degree tilt from the waist up! After 17 days, I’m now down to about 6.5 degrees according to my 50-cent protractor.

Well, this got me to thinking about our piscine friends in the Bay. How do they survive without the aid of modern medicine, modern pain meds and physical therapy, not to mention Blue Cross blue Shield! What happens when THEY throw out their back or slip a disk? Who functions as their General Practioner?

I gotta believe that their only option is an office visit to the Surgeonfish! But which one? We have several varieties of these specialists in the Bay. There’s the Whitebar and Whitespotted. Maybe they specialize in allergies or dermatology! The Yellowfin could be working on jaundice problems and the Bluelined might specialize on varicose veins! The Goldring has that neat gold ring around its eye. Maybe he’s the one to see with vision problems!

Then there’s the Surgeonfish ‘cousins,’ like the Unicornfish. The Orangespine would be likely be the one to see with back problems. The Bluespine, the one with the tapered bony horn extending from it’s forehead, would likely function as the proctologist! Another cousin, the Convict Tang, might work with those who are ‘doing time.’


Then again, maybe there are no needs at all for piscine medical assistance. When these critters have debilitating medical problems, there’s always someone just a bit higher on the food chain, looking for an easy score, who will be happy to take their minds off of their medical problems, PERMANENTLY! Dumph Da Dumph Da Dumph Da!

Well, it’s on that somber note that I’ve just convinced myself to stay outta the water till I heal. I’m sure I’ve dropped several rungs on the food chain ladder and don’t want to be taken for an ‘easy score!’ Oh yeah, anyone wanna buy a 64 piece place setting of melmac dishes? I’m switching to light weight paper plates!! Aloha as always, Larry Winnik